Okay it's been quite a while since I last wrote anything here. At the encouragement of a co-worker I've decided to add another post. So here we go, here is what is on my mind currently.
I'm starting to think I might not be as healthy as I think I am. I try to eat right and stay somewhat active. I eat huge meals but can't seem to gain any weight. I think I may have figured out why. I typically don't eat breakfast and eat a late lunch and then maybe snack for dinner. So basically, one meal a day. This isn't anything new. I've been on this eating schedule since late 2005. I just think my body has adapted to this because if I eat more often than that then I tend to feel full all the time and I'm not a fan of that. I'm sure if I started to eat breakfast I'd gain some weight but that cuts into the amount of sleep I already don't get.
While we're on the subject of sleep. I haven't been getting any. Well that might be a lie but it's not very much. It takes me a couple hours to actually fall asleep, then I wake up approx 2 hours later, then I'm up for another 2 then asleep for another 2. Again, nothing new but I think it might be influencing my mental health which is never good especially since I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I just wish I could figure out why I can't sleep because then I could do something about it. I've tried everything from drinking to taking melatonin. Melatonin was working at first with only 6mg but now I'm up to about 20mg a night and that's just not working for me. With my current sleep schedule I'd have to dedicate about 16 hours of my day to get the recommended 8 hrs of rest. Which I can't afford to do that. I'd never be out of bed. Maybe I just have a lot of stuff on my mind?
Another thing I'm considering that might help with the sleep and eating thing is to build a home gym. I'm also planning on buying a bicycle. That way I'm extra active which will hopefully spur my hunger and wear me out so I'll sleep better. I'm tired of being skinny. Girls don't like to date skinny guys like me because I make them feel fat without even trying. It's not my fault, I'm a fat guy in a skinny guys body. Honest. Another thing driving me toward wanting this third point (besides sleep, and maybe an actual relationship) is the fact that my pant size doesn't exist. Currently I'm somewhere between a 28 and a 29 waist and a 32 length. I've found maybe 2 pairs of pants in 29x32 and I ended up buying one of em. 28x32? Non-existent.
Remember all that shit I said about 2012 starting off good with negative people being cut out and positive coming in? Yeah, I lied. True at the time but it's all bull shit now. Every time I trust someone, they end up showing me exactly why I shouldn't.
I'm starting to think I might not be as healthy as I think I am. I try to eat right and stay somewhat active. I eat huge meals but can't seem to gain any weight. I think I may have figured out why. I typically don't eat breakfast and eat a late lunch and then maybe snack for dinner. So basically, one meal a day. This isn't anything new. I've been on this eating schedule since late 2005. I just think my body has adapted to this because if I eat more often than that then I tend to feel full all the time and I'm not a fan of that. I'm sure if I started to eat breakfast I'd gain some weight but that cuts into the amount of sleep I already don't get.
While we're on the subject of sleep. I haven't been getting any. Well that might be a lie but it's not very much. It takes me a couple hours to actually fall asleep, then I wake up approx 2 hours later, then I'm up for another 2 then asleep for another 2. Again, nothing new but I think it might be influencing my mental health which is never good especially since I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I just wish I could figure out why I can't sleep because then I could do something about it. I've tried everything from drinking to taking melatonin. Melatonin was working at first with only 6mg but now I'm up to about 20mg a night and that's just not working for me. With my current sleep schedule I'd have to dedicate about 16 hours of my day to get the recommended 8 hrs of rest. Which I can't afford to do that. I'd never be out of bed. Maybe I just have a lot of stuff on my mind?
Another thing I'm considering that might help with the sleep and eating thing is to build a home gym. I'm also planning on buying a bicycle. That way I'm extra active which will hopefully spur my hunger and wear me out so I'll sleep better. I'm tired of being skinny. Girls don't like to date skinny guys like me because I make them feel fat without even trying. It's not my fault, I'm a fat guy in a skinny guys body. Honest. Another thing driving me toward wanting this third point (besides sleep, and maybe an actual relationship) is the fact that my pant size doesn't exist. Currently I'm somewhere between a 28 and a 29 waist and a 32 length. I've found maybe 2 pairs of pants in 29x32 and I ended up buying one of em. 28x32? Non-existent.
Remember all that shit I said about 2012 starting off good with negative people being cut out and positive coming in? Yeah, I lied. True at the time but it's all bull shit now. Every time I trust someone, they end up showing me exactly why I shouldn't.
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